insomnia
Insomnia is characterized by an inability to sleep and/or to remain asleep for a reasonable period. Most believe that insomnia is itself a sleep disorder,
but it is not. It is a symptom, as insomniacs typically complain of
being unable to close their eyes or ‘rest their mind’ for more than a
few minutes at a time. As opposed to being a sleep disorder, insomnia
is most often caused by sleep disorders, though they are not the only
causes. Other causes include fear, stress, anxiety, medications, herbs and caffeine. An overactive mind or physical pain may also be the cause of the problem.
from wikipedia.org
&^%$#@,, i never expected to have a sleeping disorder. maybe its not exactly insomnia. maybe its just the fact that my biological clock is now used to late nights. but whatever it is, it’s truly killing me.
before my winter holidays, there would be a few nights where I found it hard to sleep on days where I was expecting myself to sleep early. And now, the latenights have became somewhat of a routine, and now for almost every single day, though my eyes are dry, my eyelids heavy, my head spinning,,
i just couldn’t sleep.
thoughts were swimming inside of my head, like tiny fishes in the pond. some; didn’t even matter. others; were a matter of life and death. they jumped in and out from one problem to another, just like frogs; the water in the pond vibrating the dances of the frogs into the moonlight. The fishes of thoughts slightly shook and taken aback.
doctors would ask me a few mere questions that they think might help come up with a diagnosis;
1. Do you have a high sugar level?
to this I would answer "yes", as i come from a 2nd generation of diabetics. And to top it off, sweets and alcohol are consumed on a daily basis.
2. Do you consume caffein daily?
and to this one I would say "not really", as I am not much of a coffee drinker, or even a tea drinker. 3. How do you handle stress?
ah. the question of stress. I am not good at handling my own stress, because a. I do not take things easily b. I panic and am very anxious c. I am used to living my life in a complicated, complex and stress-driven way. And that is why my friends, why I do not drink caffein. It gives me over the hill anxiety attacks. (example; the time during Highschool try-outs)
if we go back and analyze the causes of my stress, then a long list will be given by the end of this month (tops!) so let’s just try to see the main causes, shall we?
cultureshock. yes. "the european way" is meant as leisuring, taking things slow and having a good time, "drinking wine and killing time, sitting in the summer sun" (as jaykay from jamiroquai would say). I WISH I CAN DO THAT. nono.. im just used to "the third culture way" which means,, you are used to the spontaneous nature of how life brings you from one place to another. There we go! we live on impulsiveness and the drama.
secondly, little things like "why is the toilet hole in the front?" "why are there so many bicycles?" "why are the dutch so tall?" will make you feel displaced. you long for short, tanned people. you miss the traffic caused by the large number of cars in jakarta. and lastly, you miss how the toilet hole is in the back, not the front.
those small problems will create psychological unsettlement for you.
yes, just because the toilet is disoriented, you lose sleep.
