maskofdeception

coming to the end of the first day of ramadhan.

my thoughts and confessions over a cup of teh-ice;
its’ been almost 3 months since i last touched my sejadah. i’ve been committing sins weekly, almost daily…i’ve let the the devil take over.
some people wonder why i don’t just pack away and call myself an atheist. i don’t know why, i still feel obliged. ramadhan is the time that i hope can help regain my faith.
with all the commotion errupting around islam and fundamentalism, i can’t help but be a tad bit influenced. I know i’m not as faithful as i was before. I don’t know what happened, how i got there. all i know is that i still need something to hold on to, something spiritual, something out of this world.

religion is a matter of choice. and for now, my choice is still to stick with Allah.

i admit the last update was not completely true.
and here i am again, reminiscing.
i’ve realized that i had captured every kodak moment i had in netherlands quite perfectly.
if only i could relive those moments, the small insignificant moments.
biking to campus, battling with the wind.
walking around herresstraat, enjoying the priviledges of the 25% H&M discounts.
coming back to a warm, homey apartment.
i’ve taken for granted such small things that, when i rethink about it, are in fact a necessity.
comfort.
privacy.
personal space.

i take pride in my high idealism.
so i might be difficult…. i do sweat on the petty things.
i’ve grown out of the phase. im highly complex. im individually collective,
collectively individualistic.
i got my goals in life. and im here to achieve it.

__ you who stands in my way.